I finally uploaded pictures...these cover the 4th through Halloween!

"Mom, can I stay up until 8/7 central?"

                                   ---Brooke 6

 

Andrew has a new 'thing.'  He likes to 'air quote' one or two words in every sentence with the air quote hand gestures.  It's a riot to watch him take the most mundane sentence and air quote a completely random phrase within the sentence.  For example: "So we're going 'home?'  I bet 'that's' going to be fun."

 

He's resisting my coaching efforts as to the appropriate use of air quotes.

 

Another new one for him is the use of 'no offense' after saying something particularly direct/rude.  Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of straight talk and it's hilarious to listen to him say the craziest things and then think he's off the hook because he said no offense.  For example:  "Mom - this dinner sucks, no offense, can I get something else?"

 

Now we move to today's conversation which was flagged for misuse of both.

 

"So mom, did the 'Tigers' win the game this weekend?  I don't really 'care' - no offense.  I like Tom Brady. Can we go to the park?"

 

The Mizzou Tigers did have what I would offer as a decisive victory over Colorado at 58-0.  The weather was awesome and a good time was had by all.  I'm going on travel strike for the next month.  It will take a major disaster to pry me out of my home for a bit while I recoup from the month of October.  Dallas, Minneapolis, New Orleans and 2 trips to Columbia!

The family was on one of our tedious trips up I55 to St. Louis for a weekend and had the following coversation:

 

Jim:  Brooke - how is school?

Brooke:  Fine.

Jim: Who are your friends?

Brooke:  I don't have any.

Jim:  Do you ask them to play?

Brooke: Yes

Jim:  And what do they say?

Brooke (highly exasperated):  Dad - you don't know my life.

 

We cracked up - couldn't help it at all!!!  She's a 6yo pre-tween and already into the drama.  She does seem to be having some problems making friends this year and I'm not sure how to help her other than just reassuring her that a) it's ok to play by yourself and b) kids like the smartest kid in the class so keep working.

 

Andrew has about 12 best friends and is much less discriminating on his friend qualifiers.  His grades are still in the A/B range and he gets a few notes home from the teacher about being a chatterbox (ahem, "social") but overall, he's doing quite well.

 

Work is nuttier than usual.  We're in the process of buying out our main competitor nationwide and there are too many details to attend to regarding real estate, personnel, accounts, parking, equipment, inventory, etc.  Add to that the fact that I'm travelling 3 days a week for the next 3 weeks for work and want to fit in a few Mizzou games this month including Homecoming and whew...travel fatigue. 

 

Jim is back for another year of assisting the special ed department at the high school.  He's so perfect (and way overqualified) for that job because he is incredibly patient.  He could get his teaching certificate but teachers have assigned responsibilities outside of the school day (working football games, clubs, coaching, etc) and it's still important to us that the kids have a parent around before and after school.  He told me the other day that some of his students have part time jobs that pay more than his job.  I respond that they have to have good jobs because they aren't married to a beautiful, charming, ambitious spouses...Jim responds that he can relate...

 

New photos from our trip to Eckert's a few weeks ago.

This cracked me up....

 

Who says there's no fun to be had in Arkansas??  Not me and certainly not a former US prez...  So the family decides to go on a little weekend getaway to noneother than...Hot Springs, AR.  This resort destination is about 3 hours (4.5 hours with kids) from Memphis and home to the high school alma mater of Bill Clinton.  What follows is both a trip documentary and travel advisory so this may be the entry to skip if you never, ever, ever plan to go to Hot Springs.

 

We stayed at The Arlington Hotel which is a historic hotel with much...uhmmm...history behind it (hey - I run a business, not write the travelguide!).  Big Al Capone spot, had one of his caddies (that's Cadillac to you non-car peeps) in the lobby, really small elevators, etc.  I would totally stay there again because 4 people in a room was only $119 a night which seems pretty good to me.  I would advise against the spa options in the hotel as they also have a historic aspect and can be quite disappointing to those expecting the sanitary conditions commiserate with this century.

 

We arrived late on a Friday night, ordered pizza and went to bed.  Early Saturday, we took the Duck Tour.  For those unfamiliar with our early Memphis siteseeing, the Duck Tour is is a six-wheel-drive amphibious truck that was designed by General Motors Corporation during World War II for transporting goods and troops over land and water and for use approaching and crossing beaches in amphibious attacks.a land/sea vehicle equipped with sassy captains full of witty reparte. 

 

The town of Hot Springs is beautiful with a whole row of bathhouses and kitchy cute stores.  Post duck, we went to Magic Springs which is the AR version of Disney/Six Flags and poorly run.  It didn't help that it was 95 and sunny but 1/3 of the rides were out of commission and the attached waterpark denizens didn't inspire a return trip.  We ducked out about 3p and took refuge in the hotel pool with the adjoining hotel bar... 

 

Sunday, we avoided the hotel brunch (at $45 for 4!) and walked across the street to The Pancake House which was a great, clean, efficient diner (which only takes cash by the way).  It reminded us of the Courtesy Diner on Hampton (known to the kids as The Dines).  Pancakes at the Dines wins...FYI.  We spent the rest of the day dodging questions as to when we were going back to the water park (which we deemed a sanitary hazard)  and tried to buy them off with presents at the local toy store.  Brooke picked out a gladiator costume and Andrew wanted dinocheckers.  We were walking back to the hotel and decided to check out the Hot Springs Natl Park right next to the hotel.  The water there is HOT!  I know that sounds stupid but it's 168 degrees fresh from the spring and that is HOT.  We started to climb up the paths of the park which lead to the top of the mountain.  We were about 3/4 of the way up when we realize we were entirely surrounded by trees with no water, no food and no clue how far the top of the mountain was.  In addition to that, we realized our survival tools included only a gladiator costume and dinocheckers.

 

We made it to the top of the mountain and even found the observation tower which was great.  The walk back down was MUCH faster and the boys found a blackberry bush.  The 'survivorman' initiates decided to eat the raw fruit while the girls noshed on Ritz crackers from the observation tower gift shop (yet another reason why women live longer).  The rest of the afternoon was spent alternating the pool with the naturally heated hot tub at the hotel.

 

Monday, we drove back, rescued the dog from the pet hotel and glared at the overgrown lawn.

Finally updated pics!

 

And for the ultimate in Mizzou-Russian collections...

 

Anybody ever heard of keying the bride?  Totally new thing for me so I'll share.

 

My youngest brother Pat was married this weekend.  Big, big wedding...9 bridesmaids and 9 groomsmen, 300 in attendance, etc.  My other brother Kyle was the best man and I was a bridesmaid.  Everything leading up to the wedding was very smooth.  No drama, everyone showed up, stayed sober through the ceremony and all that good stuff.  After the ceremony (and a 15 minute ceremony at that - let's get the party on!), the bridal party boarded a big old limo bus loaded with coolers and champagne and we toasted the bride and groom all the way to the reception.  We were all feeling pretty good up there at the head table as the maid of honor and best man gave their toasts and then sat down.  Next, one of the groomsmen who has a bit of a reputation for being a goofball got up and gave his own little speech.  He thanked everyone for being there and said how when Pat and Lindsay first bought their house a year ago, Lindsay had an extra key made for him and told him that he was welcome to come by anytime that Pat wasn't home and 'keep her company.'  He said he really appreciated that but now that Pat and Lindsay were married, he didn't feel right about keeping the key and it was time to give it back to her.  He walked over and put the key in front of her and everyone laughed politely.  Well, on that cue, male guests out in the reception hall started standing up and holding up their keys and bringing them to the table and putting them in front of Lindsay.  We were all ROLLING at the expression on her face (she was laughing!) and the reactions of the audience.  There were probably 20-30 keys seeded in the crowd that made their way up to the front.  As the icing on the cake, just as everyone started to sit down and quiet back down, my 85 year old uncle stood up and shuffled to the front of the room to drop his key off.  I don't know if the timing was deliberate or accidental but it was perfect and set everyone off again.  Welcome to the family Lindsay!  Poor thing...

 

And in other news...a very territorial jay has taken over the backyard and is hellbent on terrorizing the dog.  Poor Amadeus goes out to do his thing and the jay sits on the fence and then swoops down to grab his tail and peck at his head every few minutes.  She spends the rest of the time cawing at him from the sidelines until she finds her opportunity.  We found the source of her anxiety in a little nest with babies in a tree in the middle of the yard and this just started happening this week so the babies must be brand new.  Poor dog could care less about her nest and more about his bladder but tough to share that kind of info in the animal kingdom.

 

The kids are getting blonder and bronzer as summer camp wears on.  Jim is channeling his Native American heritage (1/16) into a very dark brown tan.  Too bad it ends where his shirt takes over giving the impression that he's always wearing a white tshirt!  Father's Day was good to him and he's now the proud owner of 16 pairs of new white socks.  Hey...he needed them...

Picture your typical kid oriented fast food joint.  What do you see?  Spongebob?  Transformers?  Flavor of the month movie marketing?  Now take Chick Fil A.  Such a southern place (bc they are not in MO so I know it's southern thing).  In Mississippi, which has the worst education rate in the country, there is a Chick Fil A which is dedicated to the cultural education of shorties.  In the kids' happy meals tonight, there was no SpongeBob, no Optimus Prime, but a language guide to Russian.  Let me tell you that this primer was more detailed than the guide we took to Ukraine with us.  In addition, there was a Rosetta Stone caliber CD that they played and laughed and copied the words that were spoken.  I'm totally impressed.  I may write a letter.

 

On the not so impressed list this week is PetSmart.  We boarded our old, cranky, hairy dog over Mother's Day Weekend and asked them to shave him down while we were gone.  I go to pick him up on Sunday and they politely informed me that Amadeus was 'impatient' with the grooming process which was probably due to his old age (12) and he made 'contact' with one of the groomers (meaning he bit the heck out of them) which leads them to unfortunately having to refuse service to him in the future.  Then they bring out this half shaved mongrel who looks like a pink burrito in the middle and a poodle on his head, tail and legs.  If weight lines were still fashionable, he would be in a Bobby Brown video.  And he's mad at us and pee'ing on EVERYTHING.  Jim says we should hold him down and finish the job at hand...I'll let you know who wins that battle of wills.

Andrew had his soccer awards tonight because his team placed 2nd in their division.  The coach made a few comments on each player as they accepted their awards and he was particulary complimentary to Andrew, calling him the 'heart and soul' of the team.  He praised his energy, determination and sheer refusal to leave the field unless forced to.  Andrew has a beautiful trophy to put on his mantle and a great experience with this season. 

 

It was interesting to see all the other parents...truly a cross slice of Cowpen sociology.  I was shocked at the lack of camoflauge but certainly comforted by the amount of goatees, sleeveless shirts and hairstyles ala 1982.  Did I mention there was a spit cup on one of the tables?  You think I mock but again, it is only out of love for the imperfections of my fellow man.

 

I started with the Andrew story because you're going to think the Brooke version much more dramatic (but its not).  We spent the weekend outside at the park for our "Family Day" celebrating the day we became a family two years ago.  The weather was great and Brooke started to get the sniffles as she tends to do with allergy season but Sunday night she slid downhill and started wheezing and breathing heavy.  Jim took her in on Monday morning to her pediatrician who referred them to the Children's Hospital where we got to spend the last 36 hours. 

 

I drew night shift.  What that actually means is that I napped on the world's most uncomfortable plastic sofa in the arctic like temp that the nurse thought was best for Brooke's breathing in the 45 minute blocks between doctors, nurses and janitorial staff flipping on the lights and being all too freaking cheerful for the ungodly hours they kept.  Brooke had to have breathing treatments every 4 hours and the 2am doctor really really really must have thought my bleary eyed, half snoring grunt of acknowledgement was a clear invitation to monologue for 20 minutes on the features and benefits of whatever medications he was subjecting my soundly asleep child to.  Which I'd already heard during her previous 4 treatments.  So now I'm sleep deprived and a little slap happy having forgone sleep two nights running.  And cranky - did I mention that? 

 

Brooke thought it was the greatest adventure since Space Mountain.  She got to ride in a wheelchair, eat whatever she wanted and impress the nurses with her ability to swallow pills.  She had an IV in her hand and kept asking how much her 'surgery' was going to cost.  I had to unplug her from monitors and oxygen to get her to the bathroom and as I was following behind her bringing up the miles of tubing, she turned to me and proudly exclaimed "mommy!  I'm like a pet!"  (tubing...leash...get it?)

 

Anywho, Brooke and Jim were finally released about a half hour ago and are on their way home.  Apparently, Brooke has a medicine array to rival Jim's which is saying something.  And a bunch of rules regarding exposure to dog hair, grass, trees, other humans and weird things that take hold in air vents.  I asked if the rules came with a plastic bubble or if we were responsible for getting our own but Jim didn't find that funny.  Sleep deprivation.  On his part because I KNOW I'm funny.  Not Chris Farley/Patrick Swayze Chipndale scene funny but funny all the same.

 

How's that for an entry??  I need to put up more pics.  I have them...I just need to find the cord.

 

 

Brooke has developed an obsession with bobble head dolls.  I ordered her a Pujols bobblehead online and it's backordered so it has been a daily, obsessive conversation about where her bobblehead is.  I hit Walgreens on my way home from the airport tonight and lucked out on finding a dog bobblehead to bring in as my peace offering after being gone for 4 days.  Side note - the Mississippi is a river...not a lake - right?  Just checking because there were many lake like qualitites to the riverbed from the air as we flew over downtown Memphis.  And it's supposed to rain again tomorrow.

 

Anyway, back to the bobbleheads - I bought one for Andrew too because even though he does not share his sister's obsession with bobblehead dolls, I know WAY better than to get them two different gifts.  Brooke made a bobblehead home out of a shoe box (which I have plenty) and declared that 'Leonardo' has to stay in there so he's fresh when he comes out.  Andrew named his Raphael.  They both made me cards and Andrew's showed a FedEx plane.  I did the whole 'tell me about your picture' and he said that was the plane he saw and he knew I was on it.  Makes sense when that is 80% of the flights in and out of 'America's Distribution Capital' but we did have a quick conversation to cover cargo planes v. people planes.

 

Remedial HR taught many lessons that apply to managing and parenting.  Namely - coach the behavior, not the attitude (I noticed you did this), have them propose the solutions on how to fix things and follow up.  So many parallels between the two...many times you have to be mature enough for everyone you deal with, they will try to get away with as much as they can and it truly can be rewarding when it is done right.  HR would be so proud of the lessons I absorbed!

 

 

Two years ago this month we came home with Andrew.  April 18th was the 'gotcha' day and I would love to say we're doing something cool but I'll be out of town.  On the plus side, I've already filled out the placement report and I'm digging up a selection of photos to fill the 8-10 photo section.  Mind you this is way better than last year when we were in process of moving and I turned it in around September.

 

In the process of my report, I had to flip through old blog pages to remember some of the dates.  It made me laugh to re-read the entries and I think I may read some of them to the kids in honor of Andrew's day.  When I get back.  From my 8millionth trip of the year.  This one is a management training session which (after reading the course description) I have dubbed 'remedial HR.'  Development plans, progressive discipline, sexual harrassment and so on.  The highlight is that my flight is on AA so I'm predicting that my plane will be grounded, they'll still lose my bags and I'll be stuck in the airport eating ketchup packets like Tom Hanks in that movie.

 

We were in the van last night going to see Horton Hears a Who (B- for adult watchability) when Brooke asked Andrew what his Ukrainian mommy's name was.  He said he didn't know.  She asked him if he missed groupa and if he wanted to go back (they had been battling all day so I can't tell if she's trying to send him back or just asking at this point).  Andrew said he missed them a little and that there was a garbage dog who stayed on the playground and ate their trash.  The conversation moved on from there to dogs who ate garbage and what kind of garbage it must have been.

 

They are crawling on the ground playing armyman and trying to sneak up on me right now so I need to stockpile my pillow artillery and take them out.  Kowabunga!!!!!!!

I found this article on stltoday.com and thought it was interesting.

 

Sometimes, I think my husband thinks I'm not so bright.  He loves baseball and every year he orders the baseball package which means two things: 1) one TV in the house will continuously offer hour after hour of mind numbing baseball games from every major league team in four different time zones, 2) Jim, as we know him, ceases to exist until October.  So about 9am today, I get a text page that he is calling in sick to work...some wives might buy it...most wives probably wouldn't put together the fact that today is opening day (domestically - no one counts that game in Japan on the 25th).

 

The cute thing is he thought he could make it up by mowing the lawn (which sick people often feel the urge to do).  Really honey, mow the backyard too, edge the yard and kill some weeds if you my blessing for your day of hookey.  I am glad he mowed though because up to this point, I seriously considered putting a sign in the front yard with something like "native grass preservation site" on it.  I can see it now...my neighbors would think we're the next wave of the green movement and a surge of support signs would overtake our pleasant, manicured suburban life.  I'll whip up a few hundred extra signs at Kinkos and have the kids go door to door saving the environment by selling signs made out of styrofoam. 

 

Anyone ever tried waxing???  So here's my tips.  1) drink heavily beforehand.  2) do your manicure AFTER, not before.  3) buy razors because you'll still need them.

 

Men get baseball packages and women get waxing, periods, childbirth and stillettos.  Go figure.

Jim has handled the last 3 sick days for the kids this year so I felt it was time for me to step up today when the call from the school came that Brooke was losing her breakfast.  Her teacher sounded mad like 'how dare you send your pukey child to school because I have to clean it up' mad. 

 

I never get to play hookey anymore so it certainly didn't hurt that it was 70 and sunny outside!  It was kind of nice to have the house to ourselves and watch Spongebob all afternoon.

 

Easter was nice - we went over to my cousin's house and enjoyed someone elses cooking for a change.  If had been up to us, Easter dinner would have looked a lot like a KFC bucket.  We tried to stay away from candy for the kids this year so we did little presents in their basket.  Useful stuff like bubble guns and Epets and still ended up with candy.  I tried to hide it but that was no good because then I knew where it was and I'm the one who doesn't need to be eating it!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

We had a great dinner Friday night with some of our extended family we never get to see and Saturday we hit SeaWorld before finally boarding the plane for the ride home around 8p Saturday night.  The kids got to feed the dolphins which they loved although Brooke was strongly disappointed in the lack of roller coasters (note to self: do the 'boring' stuff first next time).  We got some great pictures but they were the kind you have to pay for so I don't have a digital copy right now.  The plane ride home was uneventful and now we (which means I) am catching up on laundry and groceries and all the other things to cram into one day.  I've decided that I don't find vacations relaxing and that they probably need to be limited to about 4 days.  I did make great progress on my quest for skin cancer and premature wrinkles and while I'm going to have to figure out something on the tan lines before Pat's wedding in June, it looks pretty good right now.

 

Expect my recent prolific writing phase to fade back into the twice a month range...

Universal's Islands of Adventure is pretty darn cool.  I feel a little unAmerican saying it's better than Magic Kingdom but...Universal has neat rides that are a little more 'today'...shorter lines...and beer...  Brooke got to meet her hero Spiderman and Andrew got to meet his hero Captain America and they both want copies of the pictures to put in their rooms.

 

Yesterday was a pool and beach day.  Brooke doesn't understand why she can't just wear shorts like Andrew and it's a 45 minute argument to get her into appropriate clothes.

 

Brooke:  I DON'T WANT TO WEAR A SHIRT!  ANDREW DOESN'T!

Mom:  Sweetie - it's just not appropriate for a girl to walk around without a shirt on.

Brooke:  But WHY do I ALWAYS have to WEAR a SHIRT??

Mom:  You want to go to the pool, you wear a shirt.

Brooke:  NO!

Mom:  Wear a shirt!  Or your swimsuit.

Brooke:  Not wearing a shirt!

Mom:  Dad?

Dad:  Ummm...well it IS spring break...

Mom:  Not helpful dad.

 

Same routine today - pool and beach!

The kids were inspired by my tale of rocket launches and second sunrises so they decided we needed to go to Kennedy Space Center for yesterday's adventure.  Within 20minutes, they both decided that they wanted to be astronauts.  Within the next 20 minutes, they both decided they were done for the day.  Andrew can be tired but will tough it out.  Brooke can be tired and the entire world is expected to come to a screeching halt.  I'm usually much better at cajoling her through her moods than Jim is and because the tour included a bus and not a lot of options to duck out, my cajolery skills were tested to the max.  We saw the launch pad where Endeavor took off, a real Apollo rocket (that thing is huge) but the final straw came when we went to do the simulator (real blast off, g forces, the works) and Brooke didn't make the 48" required to do the simulator.  Brooke just dissolved.  Her face crumpled up and tears began to flood and cajolery had lost its strength.

 

We came back, played at the beach and took grandpa out for dinner.  Somewhat early bedtime last night to make sure we're rested for today because we're either doing SeaWorld or Universal.  Jim really wants to do SeaWorld but the kids want roller coasters.  I said who cares because we're going to do them both anyway? 

 

I'm so proud of myself for bringing the cord for the camera that I'm uploading more pictures.  Enjoy!

We finally got to the park about noon and by 'getting to the park' I mean we got to the parking lot.  From there, it's a tram to the trainstation and then a train to the actual park.  I will say it was all pretty efficient and they kept people moving.  It was a beautiful, sunny, 75 degree day and the park was packed.  I'm pretty sure we didn't come up with a unique idea when we decided to make Magic Kingdom the first day of the trip.  Both the kids love roller coasters and we rode Space Mtn 3 times plus Splash Mtn (2), Big Thunder Mtn, the Haunted Mansion and a few others that I can't recall right now.

 

There was also a space shuttle launch this morning!  Although exhausted from our day at Disney...and even though the launch was scheduled for 228am...it seemed a shame to waste this opportunity when all we had to do was step out on the porch and look to the left.  So I set my alarm for 225am, shook a few people who refused to get up and went outside by myself.  On our way back from the park last night, we had seen the shuttle on the pad several miles away with some extremely bright flood lights on it.  At 228am, the ignition of the rocket fuel was like another sunrise and I could see hundreds of people lined up on the sands of the beach to watch the sight and flashes were going off like the Oscars.  Cloud cover was fairly low so we lost sight of the shuttle pretty quick.  But darn cool all the same.

 

It's supposed to be a little rainy today so this may be a low key day.

What with saving up for Ukraine, then going to Ukraine and then moving to Memphis, it's been awhile since we've had a real vacation. (like the kind that requires money)  The kids have spring break this week so we're doing it up right and taking them to the mecca of kiddie land - DisneyWorld.  My grandpa lives in Cocoa Beach (hi grandpa!) and has a beautiful condo on the beach which he has graciously volunteered to let us run wild in for the week.

 

Today is THE day...Magic Kingdom.  Jim won't get out of bed (because his idea of a vacation requires much bed time) and the kids have that 'Christmas morning' mentality so I need to go organize them before someone starts crying.  I'll try to post daily this week since I never know what to do with all my free time anyway.